Since relationships are made up of two unique individuals it is only natural that there will be disagreements. Many conflicts can be settled easily if each person keeps in mind that the important thing is to find a solution that is good for the the welfare of the relationship. By thinking of the impact on the relationship the negotiations become more than what each individual wants. It is the well being of the relationship that has to be protected.
Here are several tips for handling conflict.
Tip #1. Handle Conflict in the Present
When you face difficult situations or disagreements with your partner deal with the issues in the present moment. The past is the past and the future has not yet begun. A disagreement that can be handled easily in the present becomes huge if it is looked at from a past perspective. When you bring in past stuff it will complicate communication and make it harder to find a solution. For instance Molly and Frank had to make a decision re: going on vacation. Molly felt overwhelmed because in the past she felt much of the planning and getting ready fell on her shoulders. Frank was uptight because he feared that Molly would not want to go anywhere. Once they forced themselves back into the present and let go of past frustrations they came up with a good solution where each felt heard by the other.
Tip #2 Do Say You Are Sorry
When people are frustrated and feel stuck in resolving a matter it is easy to lash out at the other. No doubt everyone of us has at times said things that were hurtful to the other. Take responsibility for sorting out when you know you went overboard in your outburst and apologize to your partner. Being able to say I am sorry shows that you are willing to take responsibility for your words and actions.
Tip #3 Do Not Go To Bed Angry
This is very useful folk wisdom. There is a real kernel of truth to this statement. It forces the couple to come to a resolution today and not carry it over into the next day. It does not mean that the whole matter is completely resolved but rather that a solution was arrived at that allows both people to be calm enough to be able to go to sleep.